Falling out of love is one of the most devastating experiences. You can’t control it. So you need to know how to fall out of love when there’s no future.
Throughout our lives, we may fall in and out of love many times. Sometimes, it’s easy and simple. And at other times, especially when we’re deeply in love, it can turn out to be one of the hardest things to do. If you’re wondering how to fall out of love with someone you’re already in a relationship with, here’s everything you need to know.
Just because you’re falling out of love, it doesn’t mean it’s going to be an easy end. If anything, it’s a heartbreaking experience, even for you.
You probably once imagined a significant potential or even a bright future with them and suddenly, that future is gone. There’s just no reason to keep forcing yourself to be with them when everything seems obligatory. [Read: How to stop thinking of someone you still love]
The problems of ending a relationship when you’re still in love
Do you turn around and go back to choose another path with a better hope? Or are you clutching straws and holding on, because you’re too afraid to backtrack and accept that you’re living through a failing love affair? Most of us, especially the sorry ones who are deeply in love, don’t have a choice even if we’re in a bad relationship.
We don’t want to leave the sad but safe relationship we have in our hands. We know there’s no rosy future, but we still hope for a miracle. But you can’t settle for a relationship just because it’s familiar and comfortable. Love is entirely different from familiarity, and it’s time you realized that.
If they no longer make you happy or encourage you to look forward to a brighter future, what’s the point? We know you’re afraid of breaking their heart and deep inside, you wanted things to work out too. But it’s time to let go if you’re already falling out of love.
Love is a choice, but what if it’s a choice you feel forced to make every day? It should never feel that way. [Read: Tips to let go of a relationship that’s bad for you]
Why do we fall out of love?
We can’t always control how we feel, and that includes falling out of love. Even if you’ve been together for years or months, falling out of love is something we never expect to happen – until it does. Several reasons could have caused you to fall out of love. [Read: Why do we fall out of love?]
Maybe the chemistry just died down bit by bit until it became an empty flame, maybe you just don’t feel it anymore, maybe you have a different vision for the future, or maybe they just stopped making you happy, just like that. These reasons don’t make falling out of love easier, but they do help you put things in perspective.
So learning how to fall out of love with someone the right way is highly crucial in this case. Remember, you’re not a bad person for feeling this way. You’re not betraying or cheating on your partner just because you fell out of love. You’re human and you’re allowed to feel this way, even if it came unexpectedly. [Read: Falling out of love and why it happens to you]
The fear of falling out of love
It’s really hard to call a relationship off or break up with someone you love because of the five fears that haunt you. But if you want a happy future, you have to learn to overcome these seven fears of falling out of love.
1. It’s painful
You’re deeply in love. And breakups hurt a lot. Your partner may not love you as much as you love them, and that scares you more. What if you call the relationship off and your partner’s completely fine with the idea? For all you know, it could be a mutual feeling that your partner could also be hiding from you.
Maybe you’re both falling out of love and scared to tell one another. That’s a real possibility, which makes it all the scarier. [Read: The reason behind why love hurts so bad]
2. It’s hard to recover
When you truly love someone, you definitely need time and help to get over it. You find it easier to stay in a relationship that hurts you a little everyday instead of ending it and ripping your heart out in the open in a flash.
Also, you don’t always fall out of love because of something they did. Maybe life also got in the way, and it still hurts even if this was the case. [Read: 11 things I learned from falling in and out of love]
3. You could get jealous
ace it, if your partner’s not that into you, they may even date someone else or move on without the slightest sign of sadness. Can you deal with that? Especially if you were the one that broke up with them because YOU were the one that fell out of love, can you deal with the implications?
If they find someone before you do, can you accept that fact? This is why it’s not always easy to do the breaking up. [Read: Are you jealous of your ex?]
4.You may even regret your decision
You know you did the right thing, but somewhere deep inside, you may hope your partner could change and start loving you better. This is a thought people who break up with their partner often dwell on, especially during the early stages of the breakup.
So this is expected when you’re falling out of love with someone. You might regret your decisions immediately after you go through with it. [Read: The different kinds of regret and ways to deal with it]
5. There’s a big chance of falling back in love
There’s nothing worse than a relationship that takes you back and forth in love. Avoid it if you can. But that also doesn’t make it impossible.
You can always try to feel the love and reignite the sparks once again, especially if you think it’s fixable. But don’t try too hard. If it’s over, then it’s over. [Read: Circumstances when you can date an ex]
6. There may not be a reason you understand
Falling out of love doesn’t always have to be because of a bad partner or a specific reason. Sometimes, it happens without any warning whatsoever, and it’s the absolute worst.
It’s heartbreaking because you never see it coming, so you never prepare for the feelings of emptiness and unhappiness you suddenly feel in the relationship. Even after a significant time has passed, you still feel the same.
7. The future you imagined is gone
It hurts when the person you thought you’d spend a future with suddenly changes, and you no longer recognize them. For a significant period, all you wanted was for them to be your entire future.
But that all drastically changed one day, and there’s no going back. It’s normal to fear falling out of love because, in a fraction of a moment, the future you envisioned with them is gone, just like that.
There are more things to fear about ending a relationship, especially if you love your partner a lot. But there’s only one right thing to do when you’re in a bad relationship. You need to fall out of love.
How to fall out of love one step at a time
If you’re convinced that you’re in a bad relationship, you need to make up your mind and walk out for good. It’s not easy, but it’s definitely doable with these 12 tips.
1. Focus on why you see no future
Give yourself valid reasons and be truthful to yourself. Sugarcoating your problems will only make you weak. So if you want to know how to fall out of love, ask yourself the reasons why you see no future.
Do you not share the same values on marriage or kids? Is there something they lack in what you need in a partner? Have you lost your sparks? These are questions you need to ask yourself when falling out of love. [Read: Ways to deal with a complicated relationship]
2. Accept it
You’ve been running away from this feeling for so long, so it’s time you accepted it. You can’t persuade your bad lover to become a better lover, so why are you staying back and hoping for a miracle when you already know the right thing that has to be done?
And even if it wasn’t anything they did specifically, do you really think the relationship would just magically turn around? Just accept your feelings, as that’s a good start for how to fall out of love. [Read: We accept the love we deserve – why aren’t you worthy?]
3. Don’t let your bad lover affect you emotionally
Focus on having a good time no matter who you’re with or without. You have a right to be happy in your own life regardless of who’s around, don’t you think?
Obviously, this is only if your falling out of love was caused by a bad lover or relationship, and you’re being mistreated in any way. Realize that they will never change and even if they do, it’s not your responsibility to wait for them o become better. [Read: How to move on from a break up without compromising your dignity]
4. Face reality
Yes, falling out of love may be hard at first. But with a few distractions, falling out of love can be easier than you think. You just have to face reality and accept the facts.
Face it – you fell in love with them, you thought you had great potential, but things have changed. The faster you face reality, the easier it will get, we promise. [Read: Why a rebound relationship may be the best way to heal a heartbreak]
5. Allow your mind to stray
Think about other attractive members of the opposite sex. Appreciating other cuties mentally is the easiest and fastest way to let your mind know that there are other better fish in the sea. Don’t feel guilty if you’re getting attracted to cute people of the opposite sex. That’s normal!
If you want to learn how to fall out of love, embrace this and don’t shy away from it. This will help you have the assurance that there are so many others out there better fitted for you than just your partner. [Read: 32 weird, true psychological facts about love no one seems to know]
6. Get infatuated by someone else
You don’t need to date them. But get a crush on someone else and spend most of your time thinking about those little moments you may have shared with this new person.
You’re not a bad person for getting infatuated with someone else, as it’s all part of the process. Similar to the point above, it will help you deal with falling out of love better. [Read: Infatuation vs love: 20 ways you can tell the difference]
7. Don’t make it hard on yourself
Stop pining about someone who will never ever love you back as much as you love them. Make a conscious effort to move on instead of feeling sickly satisfied by the misery you experience.
Stop forcing things that clearly need to be put to an end. If the relationship is one-sided and this is the evident reason you’re falling out of love, let them go. You’ll find someone who will give you what you deserve, we promise. [Read: Are you experiencing unrequited love?]
8. You can’t forget your lover
Don’t try to. Instead learn to deal with it. Learn to accept the fact that both of you are not meant to be. Try to find someone else who can take your lover’s place in your heart if you want to get over them soon. They will still hold a piece of your heart, but you need to move on eventually.
So if you’re going to learn how to fall out of love, don’t force yourself to forget their existence entirely. You will still remember, even if you already have someone new. But you will stop caring about them in the way you care about a partner. [Read: How to get over your ex-boyfriend: 20 fastest ways to forget him]
9. Learn to live without your partner
If you’re still in a relationship and want to know how to fall out of love with your inconsiderate partner, then you must first learn to live without them. Go out with your own friends or meet someone you like over lunch while you’re still in a relationship.
You’ll soon see that your life can be filled with happiness even if your partner won’t be around you anymore. You’ll learn to feel the independence and everything you’ve been missing out on as long as you’re still with them.
So be independent enough to live without them and stop needing them entirely. That’s how you can learn how to fall out of love. [Read: How to be independent even if you’re in a relationship]
10. End the relationship
Ah, yes. This is the inevitable part. You need to end things with them when you feel strong enough to take the plunge. Brace yourself and convince yourself of the fact that your world doesn’t revolve around your partner anymore. You’re ready to go out alone and experience all the happiness the world has to offer to you.
End the relationship with your lover, walk out and don’t look back. Stop overthinking things because the more you do that, the more likely you will question your decision. Stick with your decision. It’s the right call, anyway. [Read: Conversation tips to end a relationship the right way]
11. Grieve the relationship
You’re allowed to grieve the relationship, even before it’s over. When a relationship is about to end, you can feel it in your gut, so it’s essential to learn how to fall out of love. You need to let yourself grieve over the relationship, including any potential future you might have imagined with them.
Even if things feel sour now, there was a time they made you the happiest person alive. It’s normal to feel pain and loss during this time. Similar to the second piece of advice, you need to accept that it’s really over. Only then can you really fall out of love. [Read: How to move on from an ex when the heartbreak is fresh and hurting]
12. Don’t stay friends *for the meantime*
It’s absolutely torture when you let yourself stay friends with your ex-love, no matter how many months you were together. If you want to move on and learn to live without them, being friends with your ex isn’t advisable. Take it from anyone who’s ever been in a breakup, and they’ll tell you the same piece of advice.
All this will do is hurt you further because you’re friends with them, but you can’t have them. Even if there’s the possibility you can handle being friends because you don’t feel anything anymore, the same may not apply to them. So it’s always best to take the time and space to heal, which means not being friends for now.
[Read: 7 reasons why staying friends with your ex doesn’t work]
So, how to fall out of love?
You can fall out of love properly if you focus on the reasons why you don’t see a future and why you fell out of love with them in the first.
It’s hard at first, but it will get easier as things progress. Falling out of love is always an opportunity to find someone better suited for you. [Read: 10 types of love you’ll experience in your life]
With a bit of effort and determination, understanding how to fall out of love before getting away from a bad relationship can be really simple if you use these 12 easy tips. It will be painful, but you can’t force a future when there’s clearly none.